BE IN TUNE WITH THE UNIVERSE

You know, our brains have tiny radio receptors taht allow us to be in tune with the sinewaves of the universe and that is what makes us evolved and aware. This is common knowledge if you have REALLY understood the Bible or the Tibetan book of the Dead or Frank Zappa's studio albums from the 80s. But all the radiowaves and cellular phones and microwaves and god knows what else we invented are CONFUSING the vibrations from outer space so we don't hear their celestial message.  We must learn to tune in to them in order to prepare for 2012! I give you a guide so you can live with more peace and listen to the universal waves of light.

In order to be "IN TUNE" you must amplify your receptivity for the infra-gamma waves. These are the only ones that mater they come from Andromeda and they contain news casts of what's going on in the galaxy, have really great meditation programs and other stuff. Dont worry, they're not in alien language. They're not in ANY language. Your mind just absorbs them and you're like "OH WOW NOW I GET IT". This happens to me constantly. I'll be gardening and whistling and then I'll ALL OF A SUDDEN have a jolt of "CONSCIOUSNESS" that invigorates me and makes me feel GOOD. That's what a typical UNIVERSAL BROADCAST is.

Good steps to take to amplify receptivity to UNIVERSAL INFRA-GAMMA WAVES (UIGW)

1. Always wear a magnetic helmet. Magnets attract stuff so it's a good idea to have them on your head since you want to attract the UIGWs. I took an old bike helmet and glued and rubber-banded as many mangets as i could find to it. It sort of looks like a big metallic Afro. Way cool. I wear it literally ALL of the time, except for when i sleep.

2. Crystals like (amethyst, amber, sapphire, most types of Onyx) give your entire being a positive charge that helps the UIGW receptors in your body. Make necklaces, bracelets, crowns, or rings out of them. I have been able to fashion an entire robe out of onyx crystals, held together with hemp. It is my favorite (and only) thing to wear and looks REALLY COOL. People look at my everywhere i go. They must think "wow he is in TUNE with it ALL!"

3. Eat an enormous amount of cheese. Always. I can't explain why, but every time I eat cheese I feel really in tune and my consciousness feels elevated.

4. Carry a cat or small animal with you at all times. Not on a leash, but like, in your hands. Literally touching your body. Since every living thing is essentially a satellite dish for universal waves, it makes sense that two "dishes" together have double the reception. So carry as many living animals you can with you. Put frogs in your pocket, have a snake wrapped around your neck, a cat under your arm, a poodle under the other, a few ferrets draped down your back. I never leave the house without at least 4 or 5 animals on my body.

5. Avoid taking showers or baths. They wash all your receiving gel off your body (what most people dismiss as "dirt"). If you MUST shower, immediately roll around in your back yard afterwards.

6.Look at the cover of Dark Side of the Moon. Don't you get it??? It was a message to tell you that if you listen to it, you get IN TUNE with the universe. The triangle on the cover is you. The white line is the music and the COLORS that come out the other side are all the universal vibrations you get fromthe record. HELLO?? So it's saying YOU LISTEN TO THIS RECORD AND THEN YOU GET THE UNIVERSAL MESSAGE. IT"S A SECRET UNIVERSAL MESSAGE! That's why it resonated with so many and sold so many copies. "Any Colour you Like" is literally the same thing as receiving a super strong Gamma sine wave from andromeda, it's THAT strong!! David Gilmour himself stated that Dark Side was essentially soul medicine and lobbied to get it sold in pharmacies in the UK. Also I would like anyone to just try to show me a better guitar solo than the one on "Time".

7. Live somewhere where there is little interference. Like the desert. Or on a houseboat in the middle of the ocean. Or if you're in a city make sure you live on the TOP floor of an apartmnet. DO NOT LIVE IN BASEMENTS YOU DONT GET ANY RECEPTION DOWN THERE!

8. Remain open. If you're angry or sad how can you accept UNIVERSAL communication? Hopefully the animals you carry around will always help keep you cheerful :)

Follow these simple steps and you'll imediately find your self IN TUNE with the universe and living THE RIGHT WAY :)