THE PACIFIC OCEAN, NATURE'S "BONG"

My gentle reader, I missed you and am "sorry" that I did not write "a long time".  You are always in my "dreams" and I think always "Hmm i wonder what (your name) is doing right now??" Maybe you are out playing "frisbee"with your friends or maybe you, as well, are "communing with the Green Kingdom of beyond"** Eitherway, i know that you are "there" and you are happy with yourself and you are thinking "I wonder what Randy is doing??"

You wonder "what have I been doing?" Ok I will tell you today of a "discovery" I have made and want to "actualize". It's "far out" so i hope you "lend my your ears" because i think it is important for all the world and all our well being also.

Ok I think the "Pacific Ocean" was put there by "God" to be a giant "Bong" for humanity. Let me "explain" before you say "BUT RANDY LOL THE OCEAN IS TO BIG TO SMOKE LOL". I have "thought" about it and can tell you wow ok yes it is big but I took "online course" called "Hemp Engineering in the Aquarian Age" and have "certificate also and it's on my "wall" ok? I will "guide you" through my "reasoning" step by step so you "understand" and then you will see. I use "Socratic Method" to explain, look:

1. The Pacific Ocean is big and full of water.

2. Bongs are full of water

3. You smoke "weed" out of bongs

4. Weed was put there by "god" to make humanity reach "higher plane" of consciousness

5. The bigger a bong, the more successful "god's mission" to get us all "to higher plane"

"Socratic Conclusion":  We use the Pacific Ocean as the world's "bong"


Ok so you agree with my "Socratic Dialogue" and now you udnerstand logic? Now I go into "details".

OK. So you know how a house has "central air"? It means that there is one place that "generates" all the hot/cold and then it gets "carried" to all the rooms in the house by long ducts. Ok so we do that with the Pacific Ocean. The "United Nations" set up a very big "weed burning plant" in the middle on one of "Hawaiian Islands". Then the islands get converted to ONLY growing maryjuana. Everyone gets "evacuated" no one lives there, it is only for growing the magical fairy weed ok? So then all the "harvested" material gets burned in the giant burning plant. THEN, from there, with the help of "mechanical engineering" and "NASA", we have very long "ducts" built that lead to each "continent". Think of each "continent" like a "room" in a house. So the ducts go "underwater" to "South America" and "Asia" and "Europe" and "Australia" and "russia" and "United States" and "Africa" and then they let out the "spiritual smoke" of the "maryjuana". Do you follow?

It doesn't end there. When the very big ducts get to each "continent", they are "branched" out into "smaller ducts" that go to each "city in the "continent". And then "branched out" again so that every "street corner" has an "output vent" so the "maryjuana smoke" comes out.  Ok so it would be like this: (PLEASE CLICK "IMAGE" TO MAKE MORE BIGGER)

Do you understand? So then every street corner on every "city" has vents from the giant bong in the "Pacific Ocean" and then you are walking down the street in "Shangai" or "helsinki" and say "Wow I need to enhance my spirit" and right there there is a vent from the ducts and you breathe in and everything is "ok" again. It's very "simple"

I think our "engineers" that work on the "Hardon Collider" can easily acomplish this. The "Pacific Ocean" is big. It's full of "water". "Hawaii" can grow all the "maryjuana" necessary ok? Then we put it in the big "burner" and then "suction machines" on each continent can "draw the smoke" required for its "population" and the smoke goes there and then it works. Our biggest "natural resource" finally put to "good use".

Can you imagine our "world" like this my "fellow compadres"? Where everyone is "loving" and the "Green Princess" is free for "everyone"? I can and i "like" this idea. I would like to start "facebook page" for this idea so people can show they "like" it and then we can show "Precedent Obaman" and he can say "ok the world people like this and Me that I am "Precedent" now i Make it a "reality"". Then "world peace" comes. And also I think "New Zealand" should be turned into island that makes "Ben and Jerrys" for all the world so we don't "run out" because I read book about how food can end "someday". Please think about this and "like" it on facebook :)

NO MORE "WORLD PROBLEMS"

OK "everyone" says "Randy U R so selfish U only write "blog posts" about urself and how people can become "self actualized" what about the world around us and helping the "whole" mankind???" .

Wow ok I don't see why people get so "bent out of shape" about this kind of "stuff". I mean, have you ever seen the "bumper sticker" "RELAX, GOD IS IN CONTROL"? Ok then what is the big fuss? Do you think God will let things go "bad"? No, he loves us and everything will go fine. Also, for the "millionth" time, people, we are no longer in the "DAWNING" of the "age of aquarius"... we are in the MIDST of the "age of aquarius" so things are groovy and it's pretty much on "autopilot". Stop worriying! Put your "feet up" and enjoy the ride ok?

But for those of you that have "issues" with the world and it's "problems" i show you how to solve them. I think aliens will come down and take over and implement these plans after 2012 or maybe Obama will do it in "second term". It's all in "God's Plan" either way so it will happen "dont worry". This is what will happen:

1.No more "manufacturing". Ok we have all the "stuff" we need by this point ok? I don't think there is a need to make more "spatulas" or "cars" or "medicine" anymore. Look at how many things you find at "thrift stores" in "perfect working order". We have produced literally "ALL" the products we'll ever need for as long as humanity populates the "earth". Look at how many "Moody Blues" records are in "dollar bins". Why print more? Look at how many "TVs" on the streeet. That's it. Stop making them ok? This applies also to "intellectual property" like music and "sitcoms". "Seinfeld" on DVD is all you need. Why make new shows like "30 Rocks" and "Angry Birds"? Enough is enough ok?? Just be happy with what you have and stop making new stuff.

2. End all wars. A "big problem" in "world" right now is "wars". I suggest we "end them all" and "bring are boys back home" that way those are not "problems" anymore.

3. One language. Everyone let's learn the same language and "stick to it" ok? I learned Esperanto, why doesn't everyone else?? It was invented for that reason exactly i don't see the "problem" there. Are people lazy and don't want to "comunicate" and "get along"?

4. No more "energy". Ok other problem is "pollution". It kills "mother earth" and makes it all "Grey". So no more "power plants" except "solar" and "wind" and no more things that pollute like cars, etc. Who likes sitting in "trafic" anyway? And why do people wnat to "go places" all the time??? I can go weeks without "leaving" my house and I am happy as a "clam".

5. No more Paper Towels and Stuff- Look, use a "rag" or a "washcloth" and then wash it ok?

6. No more "to go food"- Wow, listen you are living "the WRONG WAY" if you take food "to go". Just sit and "enjoy" the place and food. "to go" boxes and cups amount to 90% of total "waste" in America I read on the "internet" today. NINETY PERCENT! All those "starbuck" cups and "Mcdonalds" burger containers. Restaurants please just use "regular" plates and cups and wash them is that so hard???

7. No more "medicine". Medicine is "ridiculous". We aren't "meant" to live forever ok?? God tells you "hello you have to come home to my "kingdom" now",  and you are "supposed" to go. Enough of this trying to live forever. You are sick? Well let's see if it goes away or not. You are dying? Big deal? Have you ever "heard" of the "afterlife" and "reincarnation"? Fearing death is like being afraid of "commercial breaks". They ALWAYS END and then "television show" starts back up again!!!

8. No more animals. Other big problem is how we "eat animals" and then "vegetarians" get mad. Ok as long as there are "animals" we will eat them because they're there. So "only way" to stop people from eating animals is "make sure" there aren't any to "eat". So we let everyone eat all the "cows" and "dogs" and "pigs" and stuff and then what are they going to do? Surprise, you are now "vegetarian". Haha. And then everyone is "vegetarian" and everyone is "happy"

9. No more violence. Everyone is concerned about "violence" like "gangs" and "riots" and "soccer matches". Ok how about not having "violence" anymore also? This way, there is no more "violence" and there is more "peace". I just thought of "Peace Frog" by "the Doors" LOL now i want to hear it also (smiley face)

10. No more "money". Poverty is another big "problem" to "some people". Ok so there are realy "rich" and realy "poor" people. It seems to me like the source of "poverty" is "money". when someone has alot they are "rich" and if they have little they are "poor". Ok so no more money that way who is rich and Poor? I don't know?!?

11. "Geraldo" goes on at 11:00 again. This is big problem for "humanity". Geraldo use to come on at 11 and that way people could watch "Price is right" and then switch to "geraldo". Now they have to pick "one or the other" because BOTh go on at "10:00" . WHO THOUGHT OF THIS?????? So please now it should be like this: 10 o "clock" is Price is "right" .then 11 starts "Geraldo" please. Thank you.

12. No more "world problems" now we are "all done"

Those are all "problems" in world right now. So when these things happen, we are all "free" again to focus on "are selves" and attain "buddah" spirit. Also there can be no more "countries" and "governments" and "rules". Tomorrow I explain how to turn "Pacific Ocean" into giant "sustainable Earth-bong" .

POSITIVE "PRESPECTIVITY"

You, sweet reader of my "blog" are a kind sensitive "soul" and I think about youre "well being" always. Today i want to tell you of the "Power of Positive Thinking". Ok you say "randy what are you talking about LOL i am always "positive"". Well after taking my latest "online course" I have learnt that "positive thinking" extends to "all areas of your life" and is a lot more "deep" than you think.

For "example" a long time ago I was "depressive" person and my "self esteem" was low because I didn't understand how to look at "bright side" of  my life. This was before I discovered "LSD", "Frank Zappa", and also "Geraldo Television Show" which all changed "my life". This is how "long time ago Randy" would have thought about his "life":

"Wow my name is Randy and I hate myself. I am in my 50s and all I do is "sit on the couch and watch TV" all day. Wow why don't i do anything with my life like "get a job" and be "productive". I should cut my hair and "shave" I look like a "bum". Why am I not a "responsible" parent and let my kids grow up like "normal" instead of keeping them planted up to their waist in "soil" trying to make them grow into plant-humans? What is wrong with me, "waaahh", I am so lonely because my "wife" "divorced" me because I just get "stoned" and watch "TV".  Wow maybe I should read "real" science books instead of "new age" webistes on "geocities" and believing anything that i "read". Wow I am really a failure. Why am I so "obsessed" with "Geraldo" isn't he sort of a "tool"? What's my "problem", maybe I should wear shirts that "button" and "tuck in" and go to real "college" insted of "onlinecoursescheap.com". Wow my life is really sad and "meaningless" and i'll never get out of this "dark hole" until I change "my self". Wow maybe I should have tried to "save my marriage" instead of following "grateful dead" on 8 consecutive tours and leaving my "wife" and "children" at home. Wow why do I only listen to "Terrapin Station" on repeat instead of "discovering" new music? Wow I am in denial about "everything" and I drown my sorrows with "green princess" and "Budweiser" and I can't stand to be "sober" with myself because my "soul" is like a "prison-cage" that I am "trapped in" until i "die" alone.

WOW. WHAT A "NEGATIVE NELLY". That is how "i was" a long time ago. Do you like how I was dear "reader" ??? I don't. I always thought like that and got myself "down" for "no reason". Why did I do that??? I will show you now how "happy" i am with the "power of positive thinking" and that life can be "good". It's all a matter of "prespectivity" Look:

"Wow my name is Randy and my life is "fantastical and I love myself and everyone "so much" .  I have the "blessing" of getting up every "morning" and I see the sun and i smile at "it". Then i see "myself" in the mirror and love my beautiful long hair and beard and know that really those are "magic tentacles" that collect energy from my environment and deposit it into my body. I have such a "rich" life. I learn so much from "Geraldo Show" every day and am blessed with "unemployment checks" from friendly "taxpayers" that like me and want me to live "free". I am such a good "parent" because I make my children grow "right" into plants that don't consume "food" and "energy" and don't "pollute" and are so noble. I am so smart also because i have over "50 certificates" from schools online and I know three "galactic languages" and also "Esperanto language". People like me and i have such a "BIG ROLE" in society because i write this "blog" and i help SO MANY PEOPLE to LIVE RIGHT and I am a sort of "christ figure" for doing so. When i "die" and meet Jesus-Buddah they will probably say "thank you for your "service" on "earth" you now live eternally "with us" as "third godhead" of the cosmos> I say "ok I love you". Also I do not recall ever having a "wife" that must be a "figment" of imagination. And i do not regret following "grateful dead" for 8 consecutive tours because that was "fun" and one time Phil Lesh gave me "high five" backstage.  Also I am not gullible and everything I belive makes "sense" and is grounded in "facts" because I learn them on "online courses" so they have to be true and also "terrapin station" is great album and i dont have to listen to new things if i dont want to. Also my "children" are happy and love me"

OK WOW SEE THE DIFFERENCE? What I am doing "now" is focusing on what is "good" in life wich is "everything", and also I realise i have "pourpouse" in life and this gives me "meaning".

Do you , dear "reader" have problems with "self esteem"? Maybe you see yourself like I did a "long time" ago and don't like "yourself". Well you can see how I did it and I believe that you can too. I believe that you can "unlock" the "positive thinking" inside your "brain" and you can learn to see that there is nothing "wrong" with you and you don't "need to change". I use to think "wow everything i do is "lazy and wrong" and i am "waisitng my life" blah blah blah. STOP IT. Why do you do this to youreself? Your "worth" is "infinite" and you just have to make yourself "blieve it" and then it will "come true"? It is that "easy"!!!!

Well I hope you see now how "powerful" positive thinking can be and that you do not get "depressed" or "down" on yourself. I belive in "you" and know you can do "anything" you want ok??

"HAPPYNESS"

"Happyness"

By Randy Montardo

"Happyness" is looking in your "lovers" eye and saying

"I am in "love" with you"
and then you kiss their "eyelids" like a little hummingbird
and they giggle because it "tickles"

"Happyness" is also when you think of "God"
and all the nice things he gave us
like Cinnamon and flowers and "Don Henley"
and thanking him for his gifts of "plenty"

"Happyness" is looking out my window and seeing my daughters growing
into beautiful little plant beings of love
and then i water them and hug them and lay in the sun with them
until "Geraldo" comes on and then I go inside to watch it

 

"Happyness" is writing to "you" dear reader, and making your life "richer"

and help you to become like a blooming flower

I dream of you at night and imagine you sprinkling "sleep dust"

on my eyes and then i giggle and smile and fall into "slumber"

 

"Happyness" is constantly knowing and asking yourelf: "am i happy??"

and then  you answer "yes, definitely i am so happy"

and you know you are not "lying" to yourself or conforming to

"social expectations" because you know you really are, end of story !!

 

"Happyness" is when I look at my "blog" and see "new comments"

and "visitor counter" says I had 1000 more visitors

WOW!!! I help so many people, i am like "modern Jesus figure?"

Yes I think I am. I deserve a Ben & Jerry's "Cherry Garcia" for snack.

 

"Happyness" is going to "hole Foods" to get "Kombucha"

and it is on "sale". And while I am there

I keep eating cheese samples until i am full

And then I don't need to cook lunch that day

 

"Happyness" is being friends with "dolphins" and learning their "language".

and communicating with aliens through them.

Then the aliens will come and the dolphins will tell them

Randy is nice. Take him away to Andromeda. And then I go with them.

 

"Happyness" is looking around at this "planet earth" and thinking:

"Wow look at this, it is all here for me to love"

And I hug the trees and pet my cats

And I meet so many friends on "facebook" that I love also

 

"Happyness" is the internet. On the "internet" I am free

I leave my "body" and am only "spirit" and "light"

The internet is a composite of our spirits mingling

It is the "perfect" place for the soul to "hang out"

 

"Happyness" is when people "like" my comments.

Because then I know that people like me and think I am nice

And then I don't feel so alone anymore and feel even "happyer"

Then i "Like" that they "like" it and "poke" them and ask if they want to "Skype"?

 

"Happyness" is letting my mind wonder and writing this blog for you

And knowing that when you are done reading you'll be "smarter" and "wiser"

And you will think of me in your prayers and tell god to "bless me"

And I can feel your blessings on my couch as I watch TV or in the shower

 

"Happyness" is visiting the "green priness in magical greenland"

You "know" what i'm talking about. (Winky face)

And when you visit her, you gain wisdom

And "spongebob Squarepants" is even funnier than before

 

"Happyness" is ..... HAPPYNESS

there s "no other way" to describe it

It's when you wake up and know

YOURE ALIVE

and that means you have to be happy.

and you smile.

It's time to start a "new day"

What will it hold for you?

My guess is it will be a "cornucopia" of HAPPYNESS

 

:)

 

 

"TWEETER" IS AGRAVATING ME!!!

OK I AM VERY  "AGRAVATED" TODAY READER IM SORRY. I LOVE EVERYONE STILL BUT "TECHNOLOGY" IS HARD AND I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE TO DO YESTERDAY MY FRIEND TERANCE SAYS "RANDY YOU SHOULD USE 'THE TWEETER' SO THEN MORE PEOPLE FOLLOW YOU". WELL, WOW, I CAN TELL YOU THAT  I HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY TRYING TO DO THIS DARN THING EVER SINCE CAN YOU HELP PLEASE????

OK I ONLY KNOW "FRIENDSTER" AND "FACEBOOK" I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT "THE TWEETER" IS. SO I GO ON "ALTAVISTA SEARCH ENGINE" AND LOOK UP AND "ALTAVISTA" TELLS ME "TWEETER" IS A LOUDSPEAKER. HOW DO I BLOG THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER?? DO I SPEAK MY THOUGHTS INTO "MICROPHONE" AND THEN MY NEIGHBORS HEAR ME? THAT MAKES NO SENSE. ALSO, MY NEIGHBORS ALREADY GET MY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER THAT I MAIL OUT SO THAT IS NO HELP. SO THEN I GO ON "ASK JEEVES.COM" TO TALK TO HIM TO UNDERSTAND SO THEN I CAN "TWEETER" MY BLOG TO MORE PEOPLE. I GO ON AND TYPE IN MY QUESTION: "HELLO JEEVES MY NAME IS RANDY CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS THE TWEETER SO I CAN DO IT ALSO???" ASKJEEVES WEBSITE GIVES ME INFOMRATION ON "RANDY STERN" AND OTHER RANDYS. NOTHING OF "TWEETER" , SO WHAT DO I DO???? WOW AT THAT POINT I WAS LOOSING MY COOL SO THEN I TOOK A "TRIP TO GREENLAND"

SO THEN I FIGURED OK WELL IF IT HAS TO DO WITH BLOGS AND BLOGS ARE ON COMPUTERS THEN I CAN GO TO BEST BUY. LAST TIME I WAS THERE THEY WERE NOT NICE BUT I AM "FORGIVING PERSON". SO I GO AND "SETH" FROM LAST TIME IS NOT THERE. THIS TIME IT WAS A GIRL THAT LOOKS "ALTERNATIVE" WITH "PIERCINGS" AND "GOTH"  WORKING IN "COMPUTER DEPARTMENT" SO I ASK HER "HELLO DO YOU SELL THE TWEETER HERE?" SHE TRIES TO SELL ME TINY SPEAKERS AND I SAY "NO I MEAN THE TWEETER... LIKE FOR BLOGGING MY THOUGHTS???" SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND AND I GET "AGRAVATED" BECAUSE HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EVEN GETTING HIRED AND THEY ARE SO IGNORANT????  SO THEN I EXPLAIN I HAVE BLOG TO HELP PEOPLE LIVE BETTER LIVES AND MY FRIEND TOLD ME THAT TO BLOG YOU HAVE TO USE "THE TWEETER"??? THEN SHE UNDERSTANDS AND TELL ME YOU CAN'T "BUY" TWEETER  YOU "DOWNLOAD" IT AND USE IT ON "IPHONE". WHAT????? I TELL HER I DONT WANT TO CALL ANYONE AND THEN WALK OUT BUT FIRST I BUY "THE GREAT FULL DEAD TERRAPIN STATION" CD BECAUSE IT WAS ON SALE. I ALSO TELL HER TO VISIT MY BLOG BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO DISCOVER LOVE AND GOD AND NOT LISTEN TO "MARYLAND MASON" AND "ALICE COOPER" AND BE "SAD" AND "DARK" ALL THE TIME

WELL I COME HOME AND TRY TO USE "SEARCH ENGINES" TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK "TWEETER" IS. THEN FINALLY MY BUDDY TERANCE CALLS AND SAYS "NO RANDY STUPID TWEETERING IS A THING YOU DO ONLINE LOL" AND SENDS ME A LINK SO THEN I UNDERSTAND A BIT MORE BUT IT LOOKS STUPID BECAUSE "THE TWEETER" IS LIKE BLOGS BUT ONLY A FEW LINES. MY BLOGS ARE LONG AND INSPIRED. BUT "LOGO" OF TWEETER BIRD GIVES ME IDEA. I CAN USE "MESSENGER BIRDS" TO "TWEETER" MY BLOG MAYBE???  WOW THIS IS WOULD BE FUN RIGHT????  WELL I DECIDE I DO THIS MYSELF BECAUSE I AM "FRIEND" OF THE BIRDS. SO THEN I WRITE MY "BLOG" OF THE DAY AND THEN GET THE BIRDS IN MY YARD WITH FOOD AND THEN I CATCH THEM AND I TIE  PRINT OUTS OF MY BLOG TO THEIR LEGS. THIS WAS VERY HARD OK????? I COULD ONLY DO IT WITH THREE. SO THEY FLY AWAY BUT 8X10 COMPUTER PAPER IS BIG AND THEY CANT EVEN FLY WELL WITH FORTY BLOG ENTRIES TIED TO THEIR NECKS SO MAYBE I HAVE DO TO THIS WITH "EAGLES" AND "FALCONS".

WELL SORRY ABOUT MY "RANT" BUT THIS IS AGRAVATING AND NOW I HAVE BIRD "POOP" ON MY PANTS AND SANDALS FOR NOTHING AND I SPENT ALL DAY ASKING "JEEVES" AND AT BEST BUY AND I MISSED "GERALDO" ALSO. SO I HAD TO VENT AND NOW I GIVE UP ON "THE TWEETER". TOMORROW I WRITE POST ABOUT HOW TO LIVE LIFE WELL AGAIN TO PUT YOU ON "RIGHT PATH" OK?

PRINTING OUT THE INTERNET

Hello, friend :) Do you like my new "background"? It's a mushroom lady and it's very "trippy". I liked the "Geraldo picture" i had before but then I discovered it's not ok to post so i took  "Geraldo" picture down but i put up another one soon because he is still my "hero" and also it's a "free country" ok?

But enough of "me" dear blogreader. I ask you now, "how are you?". Hmmm....I like to think of you as a colorful fairy flying over the land, spreading cheer and giggles on everyone below, dear reader. Are you a happy fairy like this? Hmmm..Maybe you would like to be. I hope you become one one day and spread happy dust on me from above :)

I sure need some "happy dust" today dear reader. I am very "backed up" with my work. I am in the "process" of printing out the entire internet, and it takes a lot of time, paper, and ink. I am going "broke" with this project. But I know it's something i must do. One day, after 2012, the world will be "utopia" again and there will be "balance" with the earth but that also means that there will not be electricity because "power plants" will be dismantled because of bad pollution. And that means no power so no internet. So it's wise to print out all the internet so one day when there is no electricity we can still go on "facebook" and read "online horoscope" etc. But wow, i mean, there are literally HUNDREDS of internet pages out there. At first I bought a big ream of paper and thought "OK this should take care of half the "internet"". Then I started printing all my favorite "youtube comments" from people. Well one video took up 37 pages of paper!!!! Then I printed out my "facebook feed" so that could be archived too. Ok well that ended up finishing my paper. So i knew my calculations went wrong somewhere. So I began to think of why "internet" is so large. It is now my "theory" that it is THOUSANDS of websites, not hundreds...

Why is the "internet" so big? Nobody knows, it seems like it sort of grew by itself, like a magical garden. According to a very good documentary I saw, called "Terminator 2 Rise of the Machines", It first began with "Skynet" and then after the Terminators were vanquished we realized it could be used for "peaceful" things. This was in 1991 or so. Then the "internet" began to have color and games and pictures. Then Al Gore made it so every American could have "internet hookup" because Al Gore was a great "US Precedent" and he liked "freedom". So now everyone has "internet" thanks to Skynet, Al Gore, and Sarah Connor. This is the story of the "information age" in a nutshell. But where do we go from here?

Well I believe that the internet will keep "growing". One day, there could be over ONE MILLION websites. Think about this the number is so big it can hurt youre head. But this day is far away. I believe that after 2012, "utopia" will come fast and then we won't need electricity and all this stuff and then we will turn "off" the internet and then we can go back to what matters like sitting around a fire and playing songs and looking at the sun, our father. But I believe that for "posterity", the "internet" should be saved and archived, hence my "mission". One day people may say "We used to have a lot of information on hard drives but a humble hero, Randy Montardo, printed it all out for us. And then there would be a large closet with dozens of shelfs and on each shelf all the internet is printed "alphabetically". Then all knowledge will be there and what more will humans need.

I believe a special "shelf" will be saved to archive my blog that you are reading now my magical fairy friends. And it will be considered maybe a "Post 2012 bible" on "how to live THE RIGHT WAY" and people will be able to consult and see and I will be like a blogger Jesus "figure" maybe. I would like that and would think that it is right.

COSMIC VOICES

Ok hello all readers i know it's been a while but I dont always have "the inspiration" to write. But if i need it i know how to "get it". Like i explained in an old post, our brains have tiny "receptors" that receive "knowledge" from outer space right ok well how do you think you "activate" the receptors. Bingo you "ride the green highway to visit the green princess of greenland". This activates your brain "receptors" and then you receive "cosmic signals" from outer space.

This is literally the ONLY way i "gain" any new "knowledge". I can't remember the last time i opened a "book" or "reasoned logically" to arrive at a "conclusion". I just take an on-ramp onto the green Highway, merge into the center lane and "Bam", I am on the road to discovery. Sometimes I take online courses too but I still do that with my "receptors" on so I know I am learning "real" stuff. Literally EVERYTHING on this blog has been dictated to me from the cosmos. WOW. Like the other day i had to fix my sink cause it was leaking. "Normal" people would call "plumbers" or read about it on "ask Jeeves". I knew what to do. I "ACTIVATED MY RECEPTORS" and then stared at the leaking sink for about an hour and a half. Sure enough the cosmos gave me the answer. Put a bucket under it stupid!! Now the sink doesn't leak... it slowly fills the watering bucket for my daughters. And then one other time I was doing "taxes" and it was confusing and hard because mathematics. So again I "activated my receptors", searched for the answers. Well, it didn't take me long to figure that one out. I sent back my "1040 form" with "I do not want to pay you taxes thank you" written into the last box. Sometimes "honestly"is the "best policy".

Other times, cosmic messengers "Tell me" what to do because they are benevolent messages from god and want us to be happy so it's ok to listen to them. Like sometimes i watch TV and I hear a voice in my head that says "hey you should switch channel this is boring" then i do and i find Fresh Prince of "Bel Hair" reruns.  Or sometimes I'm driving and "cosmic voices" say "hey you should turn right here" and then I do and then maybe I avoid trafic accident perhaps? Sometimes if my "receptors" are really "ACTIVATED" I hear strong messages from the cosmos in the middle of the night and they say "HEY GOD WANTS YOU TO GO SMASH STUFF IN THE BACKYARD WITH YOUR HAMMER" so then i go do it and i feel happy and go back to sleep and "sleep soundly" because i know i made "god" happy.

Well I am here to tell you that you can have this "CLAREVOYANTS" too. Please try to relax sometime and be open to what is being told to you by God/Cosmos/Aliens/Subconsious/Spaceships (all the same thing) and you will be able to do without rudimentary "earth education". It's a matter of trusting your "instincts". Look at animals. Wow of course they are so happy they are always following there instincts and are happy because they follow the laws of cosmos. Instead we keep thinking about things and then do not want to do what we want well what is the point of that????

Maybe you, dear reader, have "problems" in life you want to "overcome" but dont know how. Well I have given you the tools today to take the "first step" in lifetime of happiness. Are you happy now? I bet that you are, and maybe now that we both are happy, the earth is just a little bit more like "heaven". Remember, "ACTIVATE YOUR RECEPTORS" and "be youreself" always. It's the path to living right. Please if you are haveing trouble leave comments i can be your "guru" ok. With all the love in my heart, I am signing off of AOL for the day dear reader. Many blessings.

GOING "VIRAL"

Hello sweet reader ok I am a bit “frustrated” today because I had to run around  all over the place and people were not nice to me and also the sun wasn’t out so no vitamin D for me. On top of that I had to transplant my daughters to a different part of the yard so the damn squirrell would stop scratching them and also the sun was severely burning Leaf’s face. Being a parent is "hard" but Now they are ok. But this is what happened before that:

My friend told me “Randy, you have to make your blog “viral so everyone can read it and then you help more people”. Well I looked up what “viral” means and it means you get sickness from virus. What, I give my blog the flu? I was confused so I went to the “Best Buy” to buy something to make my blog “viral” because I don’t know how you make a website sick, I thought it was “teck speak” for something else.  I asked “Seth”, the computer guy there if I could have something to make my blog go “viral”. Well I could see right off the bat that Seth was not too bright because he just looked at me for a long time not blinking. Then he said I can’t “buy” things to make blogs “viral” they do it by themselves. So I asked him what button I have to click on “blogger” to make it do that. Again, I know we are all God’s children and we are all made different, but Seth seemed a bit dull to me and also rude because he would just stare at me like I was a monkey or something. So I said can you show me how to do it. He said I think you’re missing the point “sir”. When people call me sir I  don’t like it because I’m Randy Montardo, not some “king” or some “other” thing WE ARE ALL HUMAN WHY DO WE HAVE TO GIVE EACH OTHER TITLES AND STUFF?? So I said Seth can I see your manager. Then “Manager Juan” came to help. I told Juan that Seth was not helping me and I want my blog to get sick or go viral or something. Then this guy laughed and then said I’m sorry what. I said can I go “viral” please. Then they explained to me they don’t sell that stuff. So I bought the “Beach Boys Surfin Safari” cd and walked out the store.

So I thought a “farmacy” could sell stuff. If I want my “blog” to go “viral” and viral means “to get sick” then maybe farmacy I don’t know, I’m not Bill Gates. So I go to “CVS” and ask hello I have a blog can I have “viral” please. I swear people in my town all need to do yoga or smoke less because they all have the same dead stare when I talk to them. BE ACTIVE! SIEZE THE DAY. Well “Eveleigh” stares at me too and then says I think you have the wrong store mister. I think you have the wrong store….”MISTER”.  MISTER? Do I look like a spray bottle? Do i look like i "mist" things all day? Do I water plants? Well, yes, in fact I do… I water my daughters every day – I am raising them to be plants- and also I have a garden, so I guess I am  a “MISTER” but she said it in a way I know was not nice. Randy is 56 years old he wasn’t born yesterday. So I look through the isles and look for “viral” drugs. Then I find “AZITHROMYCIN” on sale and it says something about Treating viral things. Well I was onto something and it was on sale also so I bought one. But the box didn’t say anything about “blogging”. I was lost and also “frustrated” but then I saw sour gummy “worms” and I was happy. I did not tell “peace sister” to “Eveleigh” cause I could tell she was “texting” something about me to her friend in the “stock room” and you don’t do that because it's not nice.

So then I came home and “googled” viral again and still got things about getting sick and medicine. So then I googled “BLOG VIRAL??” and now I understand. It means that a blog BECOMES like a sickness and infects everyone or something. Well I don’t want to make people sick I want to help! So I threw away the “Azithromycin” and forgot about it and told my friend he doesn’t get what I am trying to do.

But I do wan tto reach more people. My sweet reader please suggest to your friends they follow my teachings that I get from meditation and “visiting the green princess***” and help me spread the word of love and health and “one-ness”.  For every comment left on my “blog” I will write a “poem” in return for appreciation. I hope you help me in your taks because I am unemployed and I hope “blogger website.com” can start paying me soon.




*** (This is "code" for "smokeing maryjuana")

2012 - WHAT DOES IT MEAN????

Hello my dear beings of light and wonder :) Last night i had a great dream that i was floating in the ocean but the ocean was really OUTER SPACE and all of you my dear friends were riding dolphins in circles around me like cowboys. But instead of cowboys you were "dolphinboys" hahaha. Wow and then everyone kept circling faster and faster around me until all our chakras illuminated and united like the power rangers to form one BIG chakra and the big chakra defeated "evil" and "sadness" and "mathematics" and "logic" and then the universe was free and happy and we were free to ride around the galaxies on dolphin backs and spread love.

Do you like this dream, dear reader? I do, and I bet you do too. And maybe one day after 2012 this dream can become a reality. 

But first 2012 has to finish. There is not much time left until universal peace is among us! The "Aztec" calender says "2012 is the end of the world" but look around the world is full of bad things like science textbooks and lawyers and Gushers and other processed foods that are POISON FOR THE HUMAN BODY!!!!!!! Also there is war in places like Vietnam and "the euro" and it's all a mess. It makes me sad and I cry sometimes because so much suffering why? But then i remember 2012 is comeing and the Aztecs said the end of the world is comeing.

but DONT WORRY. The "end of the world" means the end of the "BAD WORLD"!!! It means bad things stop happening after 2012 and all good things take over and rule and it's peace fore everyone. I took numerology courses and I can "read" the signs. Here is the "lowdown" my sweet friend

1. 2012. Add those numbers up silly. 2 plus 1  plus 2 equals 4 ok? Four equals how many legs are on a dog. What is dog spelled backwards? No further comments...

2. The OFFICIAL "end of the world" on the aztec calender is December 21, 2012. Ok. 12-21-2012. DO YOU SEE HOW ITS ALL TWOS AND ZEROS AND ONES????? DO YOU KNOW WHAT USES TWO AND ZEROS AND ONES?? COMPUTERS. OK?  COMPUTERS. Do i have to spell everything out? Computers are going to register the date 12/21/2012 and its all binary "computer-speak" and they're all going to freak out and self destruct and Broccoli everywhere.

3. The bible said that jesus comes back to earth before "the reckoning". Ok i really dont have to explain this one. Look at the backround graphics for this page. Who do you see dear reader? HMMMMM is it the second comeing of Jesus? YES I THINK SO. Geraldo is a "supreme being" he is kind and smart and hispanic and has the eyes of a nice person like Jesus surely did. So.... Geraldo in numerology is 7-5-18-1-11-4-14. Add G-E-R up it equals to 30. Then A-L-D-O equals 30 AGAIN.... WOW WHAT A TRIP RIGHT? So you have two 30s. Ok. Jesus died when he was around 30 years old (30 AD , 30 years after the "big bang"), SO if you add 1972 to 30 you get 2012 which is now. Why 1972? Because that's the year the first "Eagles" record came out and it has THREE hit singles. "take it easy", "peaceful easy feeling" and "witchy woman" which i believe may be related to universal peace and 2012. (And 2012 is divisible by three, the number of hit singles.)

4. People are going crazy all over the place. Look around its unsettling. I am just glad i am not some crazy wacko and I have found how to live with truth and god :)

5. I just really have a feeling that the whole 2012 thing is true and it's going to happen. My "sixth sense" is usually right. Like yesterday i was watching TV and i thought to myself "hm what time is it" and then i was like "i bet it's 6:15" and then i look at the clock AND IT WAS 6:22. . Come on!!! That's very close. I have really good intuition, and my intuition that 2012 is going to happen is stronger than that it was 6:15 yesterday, so....

Ok that is just a "sample" of proof that 2012 is comeing. But relax, it's a cool trip and all evil gets washed away by god and we get to live happy. Do you have dreams for when peace comes? I know i do. And next time my sweet reader i can tell you how i plan to live my life after evil is banished by 2012! :) 

I believe it's time for me to "ride the Green Highway to Greendale" so i can "visit the green princess" ;)  *****

*****(that means "to smoke the marijuana")

GET AN EDUCATION!

Hello my kindred spirits. Do you like my new background visuals? It’s Geraldo, my favorite TV star and I wanted to pay “formage” to him on my blog because he is a person who has helped so many people, most of all me, by inspiring me to be the best person I can be. He is what I like to call a “supreme being” like Buddah and Jerry Garcia. J Do I inspire you to be the best you can be? I hope that I do. I am here on this “spaceship” we call “earth” to guide all you friends through life by following the light and living THE RIGHT WAY.

Today I really want to “challenge” you to be your best self. Do you know how ? I will tell you: by getting a valuable education. Many people waist there moneys on “college” and “harvard” and “PHD” but you know what that is meaningless “Boloney”. What we need is knowledge of ourselves and our spiritual connection to nature. So please, skip all that “wonk” stuff and get on the express train to enlightenment before its too late.

I have been a “scholar” all my life and now with the ADVENT OF THE INFORMATION SUPERHYWAY (AKA “THE WEB”) we finally have access to QUALITY EDUCATION DEGREES. I hold 43 degrees and certificates from various “prestigious” online institutes. Here are only a select few:

-          Certificate of "Mastery of Mayan Numerology" from www.freeonlinecoursesnow.com

-          Certificate of Recognition: "Advanced Andromedan Clarevoyancy and Communication" from www.cheapdegreesclickherefastwow.biz

-          Course completion in “Wind-chime spiritual therapy” from www.funtolearn.ru.co/cashbiz/america/windchime_spiritual_therapy.html”

-          30 credit courses in “Plant Living- How to live like our fellow trees” from www.OneHourDegreeStop.co.uk

-          Master “certificate” : “Spiritual Maintenance and applied Zen practices”- www.CollegeDegreez69LoL.com

-          And “many more”….

You ask yourself perhaps: “wow Randy is an intellectual achiever I cant do what he did”. What if I told you I was able to get all of the above in the last week and a half? That’s right. The internet is a “speedy” tool that makes learning fast. Out of my 43 degrees and certificates, 20 of them I achieved in the last year. Some are so easy that you just pay, answer five questions, and then you “print” your diploma. For example, the very prestigious “Degree of Celestial Pagan Priesthood” only cost me 399.99 and I didn’t even need to study they just let me print it right away cause they said they could feel my energy was already so INTENSE that I already had the power. So now I’m licensed to marry any living forms across the galaxy and also I can show my nifty “ID card” for discounts but I don’t know what places accept it yet. Or the certificate in “Astrology, Destiny, and the Mystic” only cost me “three easy payments of $99.99*” and then I just had to read a two page pdf, answer five “true or false?” questions and then BING! I was certified to teach in my own home. Wow. That easy. So I am now full of knowledge and Certificates to practice a bunch of great jobs anywhere I go in the galaxy!!! WOW. And here is the best part: when this temprary life ends here on earth, THE DEGREES TRANSFER TO MY NEXT LIFE!!!! WOW!!!!!! SO THEN I AM QUALIFIED AND CERTIFIED FOR ETERNITY, FOR AS LONG AS MY SOUL EXIST WHICH IS FOREVER BECAUSE SOULS ARE MADE OF LIFE AND LIFE NEVER DIES!!!! WOW!!!!

Please, dear reader. Take my advice. Get a “quality education” and do something with your life. I must tell you, it has been hard to find jobs for me, but I have the rest of eternity to find a good position and also for now I do business giving readings and lessons out of my home and I will have my own online “school” soon. But hey, if you’re reading this blog, it’s like a “free university” of wisdom, so lucky you.

You are all special beings of light and stars. Seize your day today!!! J

TURN THOSE BLUES INTO A RAINBOW :)

Hello sweet reader do you know that I love you? I bet you do :) And I hope you think about me too in your meditations and maybe you travel to visit me in my little part of the world and our astral projections can mingle and dance and make love together in the ehter.
Today i want to cover a "dark" topic: "Sadness". Ok, ok, don't leave, i know it's scary but it's something we must all face on our "trip". The first thing i want to tell you is when you get the blues,  you can take measures to get out of it. I want to give you Randy's ultimate recipes to "turn those blues... into a RAINBOW"


1. Meat new people I love makeing new friends it makes you feel happy and appreciated so go out there and experience all the other humans on earth. Why be antisocial and closed off, Clammy McClammerson???? Interact with real humans! Great places to start are "facebook", "twitter", "friendster", "online forums", "youtube comments", and "Skype". Get a social life. GO!

2. Think of all the good things in your life. When i get the blues i look out the window at my beautiful daughters growing in the backyard and i feel "fuzzy" again. I remember that they need me to water them and give them hugs and keep the squirrells away from their faces and that one day they will become beautiful tall plants and i will be able to hang my hammock on them maybe too.

3. Remember "God"- whoever god may be to you, remember he is there. For me, that god is the sun. I look up at it and try to be one with it. I look straight into it and try to understand its magic. But everytime I do my eyes hurt just like "Apollo" when he looked at the sun with his glasses made of wax (greek mythology nerd alert!!). So remember, you dont need to "see" god, just "feel" him there. In my case, feeling god requires SPF 30 protection.

4. Pamper yourself. When the blues gets powerful, so must our tools to fight it. That's why my freezer is always stocked with "Cherry Garcia" and "Chubby Hubby" ben & jerrys. Everytime something gets me down, I open a pint and enter the "green dimension" and everythig is a-ok. Some days i can even eat 4 or 5 they're so good and comforting!

5. Never ever ever admit you ever were, are, or will be "wrong" or "at fault" about ANYTHING- This is "self-destructive" attitude and it works against your sense of well-being. Can you imagine a world where everyone is always blaming themselves for things they did and trying to change? Wow what a nightmare. Remember you are a perfect being of "light" and god made you perfect and nothing you do is wrong. You are alright with me. Feel good about yourself!  :-)

6. "Laughter the best medicine" - Its' true! Laughter helps. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, LAUGH out loud for 5 minutes and you'll feel great. I was feeling blue in line at the post office last week because it was overcast and couln't "feel" god. Well, a good five minute laugh illuminated my soul. And everyone in line was rejuvenated too i think. They all felt so good that they either left or let me go ahead of them.

7. Watch "Geraldo"-  I do this every day and it's my favorite part of the day always. I believe Geraldo is an angel of God and also I hope we can be friends someday :-)

8. Listen to music- Zappa, anyone ???? :-)

9. Draw smiley faces  I have entire blank journals that i filled with nothing but smiley faces. Just sitting down and completely filling 10 or 20 journal pages with nothing but smiley faces is very therapeutic and makes you feel ok again. It's like happyness osmosis or something. One day I hope to publish all my smiley face journals to help others see :-)

10. Break stuff with a hammer When all else fails, blow off some steam! I always leave a few hammers handy around the house. In the kitchen, the living room, the attic. You never know when you'll just need that sweet release. And when you need it, it's good to have a hammer to just grab and use to smash the closest thing you have near you to pieces. I can't think of anything I can't completely decimate with a hammer! Given the time, I could even tear down a cement wall. Sometimes if i just can't take it I have a big scrap pile in the backyard i go to. I replenish it by loading up random things at the landfill on my pickup truck and then dumpig it in the backyard. Essentially, i go back there and break every single  thing in sight with my hammer. Teapots, car parts, old shoes, televisions, tables, whatever i can get lay my hands on. I take my clothes off for therapeutic effect so I am more "free" in my movements and motions also. When I'm done I take the broken stuff back to the landfill and load up with fresh new "whole" things for the next time. This only happens 2 or 3 times each week. (note- make sure you always have bandaids)


I hope you too, lovely reader, can do these things and find peace within you. Until next time, I love you.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

Hi reader how are you? haha i know you are haveing fun! and i bet you know how much i love you also :) I was thinking today "Randy what can you do to help out everyone in their hard life?? You have written so much for the lovely readers of "the blog" what else can you say". Well I though today I could change "gears" for a bit and let things coast. I feel so happy and relaxed I thought "well i dont have any advice or mind-expanding thoughts so maybe i can just talk to my friends". So I will just let my consciuosness wonder and write what comes to my head. That way we can still connect and share our happiness and we can take a ride together through our subsconsiousness. I say "OUR" subscounsciousness because all subsconsciousness are the same for everyone because it's what unites us. Let us explore this wondrous "cave" together.

Please focus with my on the part of your mind deep deep deep down... deeper down...deeper... let it all go.... I like to chant "OOONGAWA.....OOONGAWA....OOONGAWA repeatedly to get in touch... deeper.... OONGAWA..... i'm hungry... i wonder what is on Geraldo today. I like Geraldo. He has kind eyes. Ice cream would be great. I think i have kind eyes i hope people think i'm nice like Geraldo and trust me. Peanuts. Oprah looks nice too but it's a different kind of nice. I bet she is really laid back like Geraldo. I wonder if they date because their energies are basiclly the same .Did i remember to compost the toilet? Ice cream. yes. no wait. Actually, Geraldo has those glasses too. I bet it s the glasses. I shouls groom myself better. Kombucha would be great too. my arm itches. If i got glasses would i look more like Geraldo or less like me? WHOA that's a good question!! hmmm i bet i should check on the compost toilet anyway i have been going #2 a lot lately. Why? i only eat sun, how can energy turn into poop? Oh yeah it's the acai berries.... Glasses arent that expensive. Geraldo. Geraldo Rivera. RIVERA. He's hispanic. Wow he battled cultural adversity to have his own daytime tv program. I bet i could do something like that. Randy Rivera. That sounds nice. I wonder if he's single. Corn on the cob with garlic. I'm so happy and i love my daughters. Maybe if i sent Geraldo a picture of me with glasses we could be pen pals. I'm so lonely. I should remember to "like" that coffee shop down the street on "facebook" so they get more customers. Should i "like" everything i like on facebook? Oh my god, do i even "like" Geraldo on facebook????? Did i forget? I want to listen to frank Zappa. Rock and roll. Chuck berry. Geraldo. I bet we would get along great together. Oh my god the phone bill. Oh no wait i set it up for automatic payment.... I need one of those nice shirts with macaws so i look "beachy"... I bet Geraldo would like me if i dressed like that.  I haven't listened to the Beach Boys in a while.... ok where is the remote control? focus. ooooongawa... I'm pretty sure i can find out where Geraldo lives and then maybe i can hang outside his house and see what happens. Who am i? like, really who am i? what am i doing here? hahah spongebob squarepants. Ok maybe i can go on the show as a guest and see if he picks on me. I bet we will connect. My daughters look like theyre' drying up out there in the backyard.  Geraldo though, He's really managed to age so gracefully through the years. He really smiles with his eyes. I bet he is a Libra i can tell by the types of questions he asks. Did i water Amethyst today? yes.... no.... well i hugged her, that's good at least. I have to remember to buy more Cherry Garcia or i'm going to be cranky later... I wonder if they even need water... the sun should do the trick by itself. Whale songs. I HAVE to remember to listen to more whale songs. And dolphin sounds. and birdcalls. Oh my god i need to do that today it's so intersteing but then i never do it. Geraldo's on in 8 minutes i think. Wow birdcalls are weird because if i spoke "bird-ese" i bet walking donw the street, i'd just hear a bunch of "I"M HUNGRY! GIVE ME WORMS! MOM?? MOM? WE NEED WORMS. WE ARE LITTLE BIRDS WHO ARE HUNGRY. FEED ME. FEED ME MORE WORMS. WHERE IS MY MOM?" over and over and over from every single tree. That's what birds say to each other. I bet Geraldo would be a peacock if he were a bird because he's so beautiful as a human. Is he a supreme being? I'm tired i want to read comic books. Yes i bet he's supreme being. Am i supreme? hahah supreme pizza. what if i were a supreme pizza? Why do they call it supreme just cause it has a bunch of toppings why not "the works" like subway. Geraldo probably only eats supreme pizzas. Wow "supreme" is a heavy word. Careful using it. Careful with that axe eugene. Now THAT'S a song. Man, if Zappa and Pink Floyd had a battle who would win. I dont like those questions, they hurt my head. Probably Geraldo, i hear he plays classical guitar. I bet i could take some lessons and then that's something in common. Maybe i can play classical guitar outside his house or something and he'll be like "hey you play?" and i can be like "who.. me? oh, yeah sure... what's your name?". Something like that. That could work...

Intense vibrations inside the "MINE" man! haha. what a trip. i hope you are all back in one piece after that "tour de force". so that's what our collective subconscious is like? wow. evidently humanity has a lot more in common than we all think. we are all humyns with basic thoughts and drives inside us as you can see. i think i will do more of these "exercises in the future. i invite you to do this by yourself and let it all "hang out" as you "slip inside the eye of your mind"

"slip inside the eye of your mind
don't you know you might find
a better place to play?"
                                          ~The Beatles

Safe travels to you all :)

BEING FRIENDLY (WITH A SMILE!) :)

Hello readers today i want you to know how much i love you and how much I want you all to get along. I think you are all beautiful creatures with special unique "abilities" and stuff :) For this reason I want everyoen to get along and be friends. Too many people these days act like "Big Blue meanies" and walk around with frowns "upside down". They dont get enough love in their life!! So we have to help them see their blessings and open up, to "blossom" like flowers of God. If you run into one or more of these people with the "blues" i want to tell you how you can interfere with their bad trip and turn them on to the path of light and happiness. :)  this also works with ANYONE , not just meanies. Whoever you come across in your day you should always treat with happy respectfulness. Briten peoples days by doing things like:


- When you are out on walks around the neighborhood always greet your neighbors with funny thoughts! My favorite is to scream "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT??? WOOF WOOF WOFF" every time i see a neighbor walking a dog. Even if i just crossed paths with them and i run into them again on the next block. I do this with every dog walker i see every day.

- " A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet ". THIS IS MY FAVORITE QUOTE but i like to change it a bit to " A SAD stranger is a HAPPY friend you havent met yet". That's why when i am out and see a sad person i do all i can to talk to them and see what's going on. I take my walkman with my favorite Phish tape (Billy Breathes) and i tell them to listen to it and it will make them smile.. Many people i meet don't seem to like the same music i like but that's ok because we can all have different opinions and this makes America great.

- I have "business cards" but i like to call them "human cards" cause i dont do business and i am a human. If i meet someone, i give them my "card". Then they look at it and it says my name and under it it says "NOW LOOK AT ME" (it says this because i know they are not looking at me if they're reading it). When they look back up at me I have a really funny face ready. it catches them by surprise and makes them laugh!

- If i'm in a public bathroom i like to loosen people up so they can be happy and have fun. Sometimes i go #1 or #2 and then act like i'm walking out without washing my hands. Then as I'm about to open the door i say out loud to everyone "WELLLLL MAYBE JUST THIS ONCE..." and then i wash my hands. I wink at everyone as i do this so they know i am only kidding. Also when i leave if i have time i like to wait by the door for the next patron to come in the bathroom and then i go "BOO !!!!!!" when they walk in and it scares them out of their "square state" .

- Dress up for halloween EVERY DAY. This cheers people up. I dress up like a clown, a Beatle, Abraham Lincoln,... whoever. When people ask me why I am dressed that way I say "what about you? why are you dressed the way you're dressed???" This throws them for a real trip. It's called "Reverse Psychology" and it makes people's minds really work.

- This one is advanced but really fun to do. I take a whole fish from the market, like a bass or a whole salmon, and put it on the sidewalk. Then i hide behind a fence or a bush or something and wait for someone to come. With a very thin and transparent fishing line, i make the fish "flop" over towards where i'm hidden and the people watch dumfounded and when they bend down to see what happens i jump out with a (plastic) sword and go "BOO !!!!!".

- Look up random phone numbers in the "yellow pages". Then with my sixth sense of "intuition" i can "sense" who is a sad person just by running my fingers through all the numbers. When i come upon a sad number, i call it and wait to get an answer. Then i tell them they won 1 MILLION DOLLARS and they are happy again

- Every time i visit someone and i have to "knock" on their door, i like to knock that song that goes "DA da-da-da-da ...... DA DA" . I imagine them on the other side of the door laughing because who knocks MUSIC on a door????? ME !!!!!

- When i go to restaurants and i sign the bill, if the waitress or waiter look unhappy or stressed i know just what to do. It's a stressful job and they need to get a laugh sometime. they are human just like you and me. So where it says "TIP" on the bill i write "Don't piss against the wind or you'll get wet" or "Always bring an umbrella when you leave the house" or something silly and absurd like "WHOA. TRUST ME... do NOT go in there!!!!!". I know this will make them smile because a) they're funny things and b) i took the "tip" in a literal sense which is funny and a different way to look at things :)

I hope you do these things too. If everyone did these things every day imagine how nice the world would be and everyone would laugh and GET ALONG. I invite all you readers to become friends on forums or in the comments of this blog :) For example you can write "Hello i am ____ from ____ and i like flowers and i love everyone" and then the next person can say "Hello i am ____ and i love you too" or someone else can go "Hello i love you too and also i love carrots" and so on. This way we spread love around like John Lenin said in "all you need is love" :)

A DAY IN THE LIFE

What does a day in the life of Randy look like? Some of you may wonder how I attain "spiritual purity" and "enlitenment" and maybe you want to do the same also. Ok i can tell you how. This is just MY way of living, that god chose for me but there are "many". But mine is "ascetic" and involves self control and "negation of the ego". But this one is teh best and I hope you can live like this too one day :)


6:00 -I wake up always with the sun because it is like "natures alarm clock"

6:15 - First thing i take all my clothes off and walk into the woods behind my house and do my daily yoga. I say hello to all my tree friends by name and ask them how their night was. (If there is wind, the trees and leaves do yoga with me too)

6:30 - Breakfast- Stare at the sun for 15 minutes gives me all the vitamin A, C, D and M i need.Then a good Kombucha and various nuts and berries give me all the calories i need for my "tasks" that follow

6:45- Go in backyard and see how my daughters are doing. Make sure they are watered and check to see if their "feet' are producing "roots". Make sure wire fencing around Amethyst doesn't have holes so that darned squirrell doesnt get in and bite her. I swear they're mortal enemies. i dont know why cause theyre both gods creatures.

7:00- "Enter the Green Dimension" ;-)

8:00- Write my congressman to STOP THE ATTACK ON ALIENS on planet AVATAR and to please "bring are troops back home"

8:30- M*A*S*H re-runs on AMC

9:00- Geraldo Rivera

10:00- "The Price is Right"

11:00- "Hangin' with Mr Cooper"

12:00- All in the Family

12:30- Spongebob "Squarepants"

1:00- Go in back yard, hug Leaf and Amethyst for half hour each and tell them i love them

2:00- "Visit the Green Princess" ;-)

4:00 - Oprah

4:30- Pay a visit to "Mary Jane" ;-)

5:00- Time to get to work. I write "blog" to help everyone fulfill their spiritual need

5:10- Rest after working. B0ng loads.

5:30- Look at pictures of dolphins on "google"

6:00- Naptime

7:00- The SIMPSONS + Green pRinceSs :) (favorit time of day!!)

7:30- Check on Leaf and Amethyst, water them, hug them, tell them I love them

7:45- "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

8:00- Move TV to backyard, leave for Leaf and Amethyst to watch cartoon network while I do my meditation.

8:15- "Ridin' the Green Highway to Greenland"

8:30- Astral Traveling- Monday, Wednesday, Friday, visit Andromeda. Tues, Thurs, Saturday visit Cygna

9:30- Return from trip, Ben & Jerry's break  :-)  Bring TV back inside.

10:00- Mad TV

11:00- Conan O;Brians

12:00- Walker Texas Ranger

12:30- Say goodnight to Leaf and Amethyst, water them, tell them i love them. set up squirrell detterrant traps for Amethyst.

1:00- Thank god for the existance of the day and drift away to sleep



Well i hope i inspire you to negate your "ego" and live the right way like i learned to do. Maybe you read this and say "but Randy this existance is too ascetic for me how can i release myself from trappings of the world". Well living free is hard and it takes time to strip away all "worldly temptations". But i have done it and you can too. Simple living is easy and only way. You will see that you too can do it if you put your mind to it. I now live exactly like "buddah" did and feel like one too. Peaceful trails!! :-)